Slothinkid Syndrome is a serious disorder caused by a kid’s inability to exercise both their minds and body.
Its victims range from 4 – 18 years of age but can continue for many years into a lifestyle that will remain with them until the day they die.
In most cases, parents do not recognize the signs in their kids until they have been identified by a family friend, relative and sometimes a stranger, usually in a derogative manner.
The symptoms are easily recognizable and treatment is easy, manageable if caught in time and cured. As the leader in Slothinkid Syndrome research, What To Do With The Kids® has identified and developed treatments for this serious disorder that has spread across the country over the last few years in near epidemic proportions.0
Symptoms and Causes
Almost all known causes of Slothinkid Syndrome are man-made and therefore do not require the use of drugs or evasive treatments. The following is a list of symptoms that if found, can be a sign of Slothinkid and once identified must be treated immediately.
Bulging Eyes: The enlargement of the eyes is attributed to the staring at a computer and/or cellular telephone screen for long periods of time. The peripheral vision slowly erodes until the eyes can only fixate on a small area. The backlight effect of the screens actually causes the eyes to expand and not retract so that all information projected is easily viewed and absorbed by the subject.
Bent Neck: Primarily associated with bulging eyes, the subject’s neck loses its ability to move up or even side to side as a result of maintaining the same position to view a screen. Subjects with more advanced cases have been known to not be able to lift their head for months at a time.
Elongated Thumbs: The most shocking deformity is with the thumbs. Over time they become longer, thinner and actually the strongest part of the subject’s body as a result of constant texting and video game playing. The fingers however become slightly curved and weaker since their primary purpose is to hold a cell phone or game controller.
Flattened Butt: The most obvious deformity is the appearance of a flat indentation on the subject’s gluteus maximus caused by constant sitting. Depending on the subject’s age and weight, couch patterns and cushion seams have been known to leave long lasting impressions.
Pale Skin: A discoloring or fading of skin color is a result of a lack of fresh air and sunlight. For many subjects, the glare from the screens actually prevents the pigments of the skin from developing any color.
Shrunken Ears: Over time, the subject’s ears begin to retreat into the skull since the natural shape of the ear is no longer required for directing sound into the ear canal. The outer ear continues to recede until it leaves a small opening large enough for ear-bud style headphones. Subjects with shrunken ears also struggle with wearing glasses.
Sunken Brain: The most shocking and disturbing symptom is the shrinking of the brain and as a result, the flattening of the top of the skull. At first thought to be an optical illusion as a result of a bad haircut, research has shown that brain shrinking begins and ends immediately after the subject’s viewing of a reality show. The level of sinking can be measured by the reality program viewed. Reality shows based on competitions such as singing or dancing showed very little brain movement. Reality shows based on teen moms, housewives or anything Kardashian resulted in maximum “shrinkage.”
Unfortunately, a sunken brain can be hidden with a good haircut but can also be diagnosed by other mental signs. A full listing can be found below.
Ankle Lock: Since the subject moves very little, the ankle joints cease to move. This particular symptom is hard to notice since the subject refuses to move anyway and therefore the ankles cannot be seen in use. When the subject does move, a shuffling movement occurs.
Excessive Weight Gain: A common ailment found with kids today. It is estimated that 97.3% of these overweight kids suffer from Slothinkid Syndrome.
Mental Signs: For the parents of these subjects, the mental toll this syndrome has taken can be a harder obstacle to overcome than the physical. The mental signs of Slothinkid Syndrome include:
- Mumbling the word “Like” when they agree or like something.
- They use acronyms when they speak or type. Example: BTW (by the way) or LOL (laugh out loud).
- They are unable to spell the entire word when typing: Example: U (you) or TBH (to be honest).
Social Signs: Much like the mental signs, social signs may not be noticeable at first yet once identified, become painfully obvious. These include:
- Texting a person they are sitting next to.
- Sitting alone in a dark room staring at their cell phone.
- Identifying themselves as a “real housewife.”
What To Do With The Kids has the answers and treatments to stop Slothinkid Syndrome.
The most important treatment is to start by reducing the subject’s exposure to cellular telephones, computers and televisions. This will be the hardest yet most effective part of the treatment process and may take some time.
Start by reducing the subject’s use of these items a few minutes a day by having them release the cell phone to you and disconnect the internet to any computers. The television may remain on temporarily but only when it is set on programs that feature documentaries on topics such as farming in the 1700’s or a biography on Dr. Wolfgang Flügle, the creator of the plastic tips on the end of shoelaces.
Treatment – Physical
The physical symptoms can be treated by the use of movement and has proven to be extremely effective in curing Slothinkid Syndrome.
Very few subjects are unable to start an intensive exercise program and of those who do, many stop before results can be achieved. Researchers at What To Do With The Kids® have found that the introduction of sports and games into the subject’s lifestyle to be the most effective physical treatment.
Moderation is key, especially with subjects of a younger age. Start with a simple game such as tag and slowly move up to the more advanced freeze tag. Throw a ball to the subject and have them throw the ball back to you. Start with a softer beach ball and work your way up to a football or even a baseball with the aid of a baseball glove. This type of movement is referred to as “playing catch.”
What To Do With The Kids® researchers have also found that the best type of exercise program is one that is not referred to as exercise but as “playing games.” The term “exercise” may be threatening to your subject while the term “game” will project a sense of fun.
Studies have also found that subjects that participate in “games” are more likely to benefit when they participate with other subjects. Stories of parents inviting other subjects to join their own kid in these types of activities have also proven to be an effective way of providing “exercise” with the added benefit of developing the social skills needed to deal with Slothinkid Syndrome.
What To Do With The Kids® has spent many years developing these types of games with many of them requiring very little equipment or no equipment at all. A list of Slothinkid Syndrome-approved games can be found HERE.
Treatment – Mental
The biggest obstacle is keeping the subjects away from their screens. The primary information and social portal for almost all victims of Slothinkid Syndrome is their cellular telephone. When removed from their person, they have been known to go into a fit and possibly experience panic or rage looking for it. The goal is to convince them that they actually do not need to be connected 24/7.
Without reality television programs, the subject will begin to experience actual reality by realizing that not everyone they know is young, rich, has a drinking problem, is releasing a sex tape or is out clubbing every night. Ideally, this will allow the subject to experience the reality of home life and interaction with a real family.
Many games are very active but there is also a great selection available that exercise the mind as well without the need of electronics or batteries. Board games are the preferred method of exercising a subject’s mind and aids in developing their social skills since most board games involve more than one person.
What To Do With The Kids suggests starting the subject with a simple game like checkers. This allows the subject to experience interacting with the game and to examine strategies. Once they become comfortable, they can then move on to multiplayer board games that are more challenging.
If a board game is too intimidating at first, there are a number of traditional card games such as Go Fish that are ideal for beginners. There are also a number of commercially available card games that allow the subject to interact with four or more people at a time.
A very effective way of introducing any number of subjects suffering from Slothinkid Syndrome is by organizing one of the many games available on What To Do With The Kids®. Most games use little or no equipment with most of them being cooperative rather than competitive. There are also games for almost every type of location including indoors, outdoors and even in the water.
Treatment – Social
This form of treatment may take longer to be effective but can be achieved with a combination of physical and mental treatments.
Subjects will begin to realize that the “friends” they make are real human beings when they come in contact with them and not just names attached to an obscure profile photo. They will discover how to communicate with them without tapping on a cellular telephone and will learn what real interaction is.
Slothinkid Syndrome Can Be Cured
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