A Letter to Google and Apple

A Letter to Google and AppleDear Google and Apple,

I hope this letter finds you both well. According to the news, it seems that you are both having the time of your lives so congratulations on your success. You both seem to be the most successful and innovative companies ever. It really is hard to get through a day without using your products and services but that’s not why I’m writing to you.

I’m writing to ask you both to consider turning your attention away from adult toys and putting some of your incredible creative skills into developing products and services that can make a real difference in people’s lives.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love the idea of having a thousand songs on my smartphone, even if I only listen to the same twelve regularly, and I love that I can always get up to date information, photos and videos on each and every Kardashian whenever I want with only a few keystrokes, but there is so much more you can do and I have a few suggestions.

How about an iPhone that lets deaf people hear? Now, I’m not talking about a hearing aid but something that can be plugged easily into the part of the brain that controls hearing. I’m sure your run of the mill brain surgeon can help figure something out.

Think of the potential market that you’ll open up. Thousands of people who were once deaf or hard of hearing, joining iTunes! You can even add the latest U2 album but that might be a bit cruel when they first get their hearing back.

Next comes Google Glass for the blind! Talk to the same brain surgeon and she might offer you a two-for-one deal on her work. Once the glasses are placed on the head, the end of the arms attach to a sensor behind one of the ears so that the image the person is looking at is transmitted to the brain by avoiding the eyes altogether but allowing the person to see the image in their head. Ca-Ching!

Imagine thousands of people watching YouTube videos inside their head AND you can even sell advertising! Think of the unique market you’re opening up. Hey Jimmy, how’s it feel to finally see your family? I’ll tell you in a minute right after this commercial for the new U2 album. Ca-Ching, Ca-Ching!

Google TV can be used to make people smarter and healthier. Have each Google TV attached to a stationary bicycle or a treadmill and once a program comes on, Google TV automatically gives it a ranking between educational and moronic.

When a program on Animal Planet comes on, the equipment doesn’t move. The image is in super-duper high-definition, surround sound and features Google’s new Smell-O-Rama, you’ll feel like you’re actually there.

When the Kardashian’s appear, the bicycle or treadmill must be used or else the TV fades to black and the sound becomes muted but the Smell-O-Rama stays intact. Therefore when people want to see which salad Kim and Khloe order over lunch, they better start moving like crazy. Eventually, people watching stupid programs will become healthier, fitter and may find themselves avoiding this type of “entertainment” all together.

These are just a few suggestions that will hopefully motivate you to make a real difference in the world. We already have smart phones, glasses, televisions and cars so why not work on something else? I’ll leave it up to you guys but if you need someone to provide some consultation, give me a call. I charge less than a Kardashian lunch.


Your friend,




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